SPAM Publishing Presents: Family Meeting Minutes--January 11, 2009, by Martha Grover
Cast of Characters
Mom: Frani, real estate agent, also working at a law firm to make ends meet.
Dad: Mike Senior, electrician, sometimes assistant to Mom’s real estate business.
Sarah: Older sister, nursing school student, working part time at Tad’s Chicken n’ Dumplins.
Me: Martha, working very part-time at New Seasons grocery store, mostly feeling crappy and watching daytime television.
Rachael: Younger sister, working on a cruise ship on and off, working at Tad’s on and off.
Simone: Younger sister, in high school, working at Tad’s.
Will: Simone’s boyfriend. January 11, 2009
(Rachael is M.I.A. again.)
1. Mom comes out of her bedroom in her bathrobe and sits down in front of the fireplace and closes her eyes.
“Where’s the coffee?” she asks.
“I piggybacked on Martha’s cup,” says Dad. “I used her grounds. I hitched a cup, as they say in the railroad business.”
“Well, can I be the caboose?” asks Mom.
“Sure,” says Dad and goes into the kitchen to start the coffee.
2. “Rachael isn’t here again,” I say. “What’s the consequence for this?”
Mom thinks she should have to do the dishes for a week.
I think a week is a long time.
Dad says she should come home and clean the whole house.
Mom gets up and starts folding the laundry. “Yes, but what does ‘clean the house’ mean? That means different things to different people.”
“We should take a vote,” says Dad. He raises his hand. “I think Rachael should come home today and clean the whole house.”
Sarah and I disagree. Sarah thinks Rachael should come home and clean the fridge or the bathroom.
“That doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me,” says Dad. “That doesn’t seem like that big of a job.”
“Oh yes it is,” says Mom.
“That bathroom is disgusting,” says Sarah. “She needs to detail the bathroom. Detail. Scrub the floor.”
“Did anyone tell Rachael she needs to be at these meetings after she missed the last one?” I ask.
“Oh yeah! I told Rachael that she needed to come to the meetings,” says Dad.
“Yeah, but did you tell her what would happen if she didn’t?”
“Well, I don’t like to make threats,” says Dad.
“It’s not about threats, Dad. It’s about boundaries. She needs to know where the boundaries are,” says Sarah. “I don’t think it’s fair for her to come home to this irrational reaction.”
“Thanks Sarah,” says Dad. “I appreciate that. Sometimes I need people to tell me when I’m being irrational--that’s how irrational I am.”
We all agree that Rachael needs to come home and clean the bathroom.
“Detail,” says Sarah.
3. Mom says that she has several clients that are on the “precipice” of listing their houses with her.
“So, you’re gonna’ be busy next week,” Sarah says.
“Yep. And they have more work they want me to do at the firm,” says Mom. She goes into the kitchen and gets some coffee.
4. “I have several minor issues,” says Dad, looking down at his post-it notes. “It seems to me that the compost people may need to rethink the compost....”
Blame is shuttled around about the overflowing compost bin. We all agree to take it out more often.
5. “Okay, and Rachael said she would pay fifty dollars a month as rent,” says Dad. “She volunteered to pay! We didn’t ask her. I think it’s her way of assuaging her guilt.”
“Wait, when did she say that?” I ask. “I thought we were all going to split up a bill.”
“She said that at the last meeting,” says Dad.
“You’re misremembering that,” I say. “She wasn’t here at the last meeting. I thought we were going to split up a bill. The gas bill. I can’t afford to pay more than fifty dollars a month. Mom brought it up and said we would talk about it when everyone was here.”
“And now we’re all not here again,” says Sarah.
“I want you four to split up the gas bill,” says Mom.
“I can’t pay! I’m in high school,” says Simone. “I haven’t worked in two months.”
“Frani, Simone doesn’t have to pay,” says Dad.
“Okay, well the three adults, who are basically unemployed, will pay the gas bill,” says Mom.
“I’ll be in charge of that,” says Sarah. “You give me the bill and I’ll make sure it’s paid. I’ll be in charge of collecting the money.”
6. Simone spreads out her arms to everyone, “Okay, everyone,” she says. Simone says that she and her boyfriend Will are starting on a new health regimen. They’re going to start working out together. “So that means I probably won’t be able to make it home by six pm.”
“Will is gonna’ have to start eating,” says Sarah.
“I know. He said that when he works out he gets really hungry.”
“Alright, but I don’t want this to turn into you taking Will home. He needs to drive his own car home,” says Dad.
“Okay,” says Simone.
“And you need to come home first.”
“Why?” asks Simone. “I’ll go over to Will’s, we’ll eat lunch and then we’ll go swimming.”
“Eat lunch? You eat lunch at four pm?”
“Yes!” says Simone.
“I don’t know what to say to you Simone,” says Dad. “I’m blank and vacuous.”
“Like Keanu Reeves,” I say.
Dad laughs. “Yes, like Keanu Reeves.”
Family Meeting Minutes--January 11, 2009
By Martha Grover
Published by SPAM Publishing under the Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States Creative Commons license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/us/
Redistribution by forwarding this e-mail is encouraged.
Originally published in Somnambulist 15. somnambulistzine.blogspot.com
Martha Grover's work has been published in 400 Words, The Raven Chronicles, Switchback, Tom Tom Magazine, and Eye Rhyme. She has also provided zine and music reviews for Impose Magazine and Zinethug. She is currently getting her MFA in creative writing at The California College of Arts in San Francisco.
Somnambulist Zine is an old-fashioned perzine based in Portland, Oregon and has been running for five solid years. Its topics have included Martha’s grandpa's heroin addiction, her brother's mad goose chase to find his lost backpack, breakfast around the world, chronic illness, and Martha's often embarrassing ventures into the Portland night life. Issue number 15 deals with the most recent year of Martha's life wherein she had to live with her four siblings and her parents. As part of the arrangement they had to have family meetings every Sunday morning. Issue 15 is a record of those meetings. You can buy a subscription to Somnambulist for fifteen dollars. This will get you four issues and a bunch of goodies in the mail every time a new issue is released. To subscribe, contact Martha Grover at marthagrover@hotmail.com, use the PayPal link at somnambulistzine.blogspot.com, or send $15 to:
Martha Grover
PO Box 14871
Portland OR 97293
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